Monday, December 21, 2009

Remembered Moments

Life I am told is remembered in moments. I suppose there is truth in that. It would explain why children raised in the same household often have different memories. That would certainly be the case where my brothers and I were concerned. This year is closing quickly. As I look back those remembered moments flicker through my mind like an old reel to reel movie.

I have been considering trying to sketch some of the great women in the Bible. I doubt I could do justice to any of them. Each of them is so poignant in their humanity as they tried to live out their faith with dignity.

As God writes out the story of my life daily I wonder, if it were held up against the snapshots from the lives of these women of faith, how it would compare. I suppose small trials produce small faith. Women like Hannah,Abigail and Ruth, Sarah, Leah and Rachel, Lydia, Eunice and the Mary's all faced giant obstacles to their faith.

My faith has grown to be sure. Each test this past year has been like an endless torrent of waves that I have barely been able to rise above. Truthfully at times it has been only the knowledge that the eyes of my children are upon me that has kept me going. Through it all God has been faithful always whispering in my ear " I am here Child." Oh how I have needed those four little words!

David said his sin was always before him. I know intimately that familiarity with my human nature and my failings. And yet David was also called "A man after God's own heart." I wonder...could the same be said about me?

Each heart knows its own sorrow Scripture tells us. My heart is no exception. Father help me to see beyond myself, beyond my own pain to reach out to others. I have touched the hem of your robe, you have healed me, teach me to put on the garment of praise. The only cure for what ails me is more of You and less, much less of me.

The Messy Side of Perfection

We've been reading through Proverbs as a congregation. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have the wisdom of Solomon? There was so much potential in Solomon. Yet with all of his vast knowledge he managed to make many foolish choices.If Solomon was able to get so sideways you might wonder what those of us with normal human insight can do to avoid the pitfalls he stumbled in to.
I have been mulling many things over in my mind lately and I know, that I know, that I know, human understanding will not give me the tools I need to figure out some of these puzzles! God's word is the only tool that holds the key.
Sometimes life seems random but I know in reality it is because I am looking at the tapestry of life from the underside. I see shapes and strings but the artist is on the other side and He holds the needle. As He weaves the threads in and out a thing of beauty is created. One day I will sit on the other side of the embroidery hoop with the Father and gaze on that finished work of art. I will be that work of art!

Friday, November 6, 2009


“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” - Albert Einstein
Yeshua Adonai, thank you for yet another opportunity :) Blessings,

Thursday, October 8, 2009

At the End of My Rope!

I am at the end of my rope! I truly don't know how much more I can handle. So much has happened this past year. Each day seems to bring something new. Yesterday was no exception! Seven of Eight was hit in the face by her "friend". This was not a just a squabble between kids. Apparently this girl called a boy she liked on the phone just prior to the incident. She waited until he showed up, accused Seven of talking smack about her, then this "friend" punched Seven in the face! From what I can gather this was planned ahead of time by the "friend."
The girl hit Seven three times. Once on the side of the head, once on the mouth and again near the eye. To turn the other cheek for a twelve year old is not easy but Seven did not want to hurt her "friend" and refused to fight back. I am very proud of her.
Thankfully a neighbor saw what happened and stepped out of his house and stopped the fight, had he not, for all intents and purposes this child would have continued to punch Seven! To me this is not a childhood fight but a beating. I find this very troubling!
I am troubled in general by the increasing gang mentality I see in my neighborhood. For the past three to four years it has been an issue and seems to escalate with each passing year.
I had to confront our "neighbors" a few months ago about stealing my nine-year-old's bike.
At the time of the bike incident I became aware of something that may or may not be universal-but research indicates it is-and that is the lack of parental influence, especially paternal influence.
The stolen bike incident involved three families. The first boys father seemed truly apologetic about the incident, though not actually taking responsibility. From what I can see this father has little if any influence over his sons. The boy accused of stealing the bike is the youngest of the family. A small youth with more hair than height that struts about the streets like he owns them. Very much a wanna-be, he is rebellious towards anyone he sees as an authority figure, an attitude which has escalated towards me since confronting his father about the stolen bike.
The second family has five or six kids but three boys that stay outside most of the day. The are constantly destroying things just to entertain themselves. Aside for my visit to their home to talk to the mom about the bike (which was found in her front yard and had been there for days!) I never see this woman outside the house unless she is in the car going somewhere. There is no dad on the premises and from what I can see the mom and an older sister "parent" these unsupervised boys. The same boys by the way, that threw Wanna Be under the bike stealing bus. How quickly they decided they weren't going to take the rap for the missing bike! Excuse me, wasn't the bike found in your front yard? Does the term "receiving stolen property " ring a bell?
This takes us to my third home visit. The parents of boy number three never seemed to be home when I went to visit, even though their little cherub was hiding in the house. He must have thought I was born yesterday and was unaware of this fact. :) Because my stubborn streak is as long as I am tall, I was persistent and finally caught the cherub's dad at home.
Now Little Cherub was more that helpful in co-facilitating (hint of sarcasm) this meeting by telling me (through a crack in the door barely big enough to stick his head through) that his parents weren't home. About that time some knuckles forcefully pulled open the door wide open. The knuckles stood out in my mind because they had skeleton tattoos on them. When "daddy" stepped outside to, hmmm, talk with me, I could see that all of his inside bones were tattooed on his outside.
Tattoos do not make for poor parenting I am not implying that by any means, but this tough looking guy sounded like Vinnie Barbarino from Welcome Back Kotter! "What bike?" "What color was it" (Too many bikes in your suburban backyard to keep track of Dad?) "Oh that bike, yeah it was here just a few days ago." " Where'd" ,directed at Cherub," you get that bike?" Talk about going around in circles! Yikes!!
Now back to Seven. I didn't call B-town's finest last night, though I am not sure I still won't. I am still really bothered about the way this situation has played out. Considering the the mentality I am dealing with it may be good to have a police report filed in case we have anymore trouble.
I hate making nuisance calls to the police. Stolen bikes are bad enough but I have to draw the line at a staged pummeling to impress a boy! I am not a vigilante mom by any means but I am a mom. A mom who's children are in danger is more like a ferocious she bear. I am no exception.
I have given each of these neighborhood darlings the straight skinny including the slap happy "friend ". The same skinny I gave Friend's dad when I paid him a visit.
"You don't need to be friends or hang out together. You don't even have to like each other but DON"T EVER lay a hand on, or threaten (Another problem, "We are doing these bad things but if you tell...") my children again." The authorities will definitely be involved from here on out! If I have to patrol the streets like a guard dog to keep them safe I will do it. I have no problem keeping these kids in line just by being an annoyance, sleep is highly overrated! I'm not going anywhere.
I have tried to engage these other parents without involving the authorities but it has been a dismal failure. I am trying not to get discouraged. This is one of those WWJD situations that has been a little hard to read. My gut reaction is to shake the little darlings till there teeth rattle but I suppose that is not what our Lord would do. If these little "cherubs" knew I really cared about them and worried about them they would be shocked! If they knew I really prayed for them and am teaching my kids to pray too, they'd be more shocked! There has to be some redeeming value in this situation or God would not have allowed it. Lord show Yourself in this. Show us the supernatural in the natural. Help us remember who we battle against and it is not flesh and blood!
I do have to say I have being at this parenting thing for over thirty years now. This new generation of kids I see being raised up is frightening...and I am not frightened by much!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Paupers and Kings

Why is it we are so willing to call on God as our Lord and King when we know we will receive all the benefits of his royalty. How easy it is to swear allegiance to a king in a land of peace and in a time of plenty.
We live in a country where for generations to be a Christian meant to be a person of character. The "Christian thing to do." was synonymous with good and charitable. But now the Kings name has been trampled. Christianity is synonymous with bigotry and "intolerance." And many have shaken off their loyalty to God because they don't understand the Servant King. What has been plaguing my mind lately is my allegiance to the king. Where is my loyalty?
The king laid a great honor upon my head (and heart) many years ago and in my overwhelmed state I said "Yes my Lord, entreat me not to leave you, [Or to] turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people [shall be] my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If [anything but] death parts you and me." (Ruth 1:16,17)
Has anyone but me uttered a prayer like this, "Lord do whatever You need to do in my life to make me like You. Do whatever You need to do in my life to impact my family and the ones I love, draw them close to You. I want to make a difference in the world. USE ME! "
If you have prayed that way, you have also asked questions like these, "Lord, why have You abandoned me? Why has this happened? Where are You? Why do we feel so so put upon and picked upon by God when He answers the prayer of our sincere heart? Why do we fight the process that He uses to make us like Jesus? We are in good company, David prayed these same types of prayers and asked these same types of questions. I love the Psalms!
These circumstances are often God's opportunities to walk in faith, to be a testament to family and friends ( and often others we don't even realize are watching :D ) of His faithfulness. Bad things happen to everyone regardless of color, creed, financial status, age, or disposition. The storms of life will come and come again. They can show without a doubt that our faith is anchored to an Awesome God! It is the storms that help define who we are in Christ!
Christ my King, who was rejected and hated, beaten and bruised, talked about maliciously in secret and slandered in public, betrayed by the closest of friends, betrayed by all. And yet when He allows me to partake even in a small amount in His suffering I wonder at my own faithfulness and character! Even Job, came face to face with his own self-righteousness because of His trials.
Trials hone our character and reveal much about who we are becoming. They also expose flaws in our character God wants to deal with. Like the old saying "Don't fix it if it ain't broke." Well we are broken, and God first exposes that brokenness to us so we will yield to the fixing process.
The fruits of the Spirit we all desire love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, are born through trials and tribulations. All birth has a travailing process. Each of these things are of the Spirit and have to be born of the Spirit. Our flesh with its passions and desires cannot produce spiritual fruit. Trials cause us to die to self-if we don't harden our hearts. The Christian life is a beautiful one and can be a victorious one if we can learn to embrace the process of becoming Christlike.
We are not Cup-a-Soup. God doesn't just pour out His Spirit once and TaDa....Super Christian! God slow cooks a wholesome homemade soup from scratch using a secret recipe and only the best ingredients! It is a process that takes every minute of our lives to complete. The process is about the cook, not the soup!
Last night during my quiet time an Old Jimmy Owens song kept playing in my head. I sang it and tears came to my eyes as I thought about the words, it was the prayer I had uttered so many times.
Make me like You, Lord
Make me like You.
You are a Servant
Make me one too.
Lord I am willing
Do what You must do.
To make me like You Lord
Make me like You.
This is my heart Lord Jesus. Make me like You! Teach me to embrace ALL you allow into my life. Teach me not to see them as good or bad but opportunities to serve my King and become like Yeshua Adonai!

Monday, October 5, 2009

I Hate Good~byes

I went to see a friend a few months ago. She shared a verse out of Isaiah with me...
When you pass through the waters, I [will be] with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.
When I saw her last she was a so tiny and frail but within her gentle spirit was the ferociousness of a lioness. Katie and I were like minded in so many ways. We also had the ability to pick up our friendship at any point in time as if we'd last talked a day or two ago. As we prayed and talked that day on her couch, I knew Katie understood what it meant to walk through the fire and not get scorched because Katie was in the midst of a fire called cancer.

Katie was a such a special friend. She had that unique combination of strength and vulnerability that made you like her immediately. Never one to put on airs ~she was always the same. What an ache I feel knowing my dear friend has lost her courageous battle with cancer.
I've seen Katie forge several rivers and walk through many fires and God was faithful to her through it all. Katie I miss you.

Monday, September 28, 2009


Packing up the dreams God planted in the fertile soil of you. I can't believe the hopes He's granted means a chapter of your life is through. But we'll keep you close as always it won't even seem you've gone 'cause our hearts in big and small ways will keep the love that keeps us strong.

And friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them. And a friend will not say never 'cause the welcome will not end. Though it's hard to let you go in the Father's hands we know that a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

And with the faith and love God's given, springing from the hope we know. We will pray the joy you live in. Is the strength that now you show. We'll keep you close as always. It won't even seem you've gone 'Cause our hearts in big and small ways will keep the love that keeps us strong.

And friends are friends foreverIf the Lord's the Lord of them. And a friend will not say never 'cause the welcome will not end. Though it's hard to let you go. In the Father's hands we know. That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends. And friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of themAnd a friend will not say never 'cause the welcome will not end though it's hard to let you go. In the Father's hands we know that a lifetimes not too long to live as friends...No a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

Things caught up with me this morning. I am so thankful to my Lord, my kids who have been wonderful and my FRIENDs that have helped "strengthen my hands" as the Word says.


Saturday, September 26, 2009

What I Wanted to Say Was...

I am frustrated tonight. I just spent 45 minutes talking to someone that I love and admire very much but, (big but here...) BUT every time I try to talk to her I feel like a babbling idiot. I don't know why, she is very kind. She is outspoken in an honest approachable way and intelligent in a common sense way. Truthfully I believe we ~at the core agree on many things but I just can't seem to express myself very well. I feel like the teacher in the old Peanuts cartoons. My mind knows what it wants to say but my words come out garbled.
We talked about prejudice and hatred, along with the education of our children. On the subject of prejudice; I am. I think we all are truthfully.
Though race lines are not an issue for me I think we all have preconceived notions about other people on some level. Though it may not be of the racial variety of prejudice, we may view people that are obese with less regard than those who are slim, or intelligent people may be held in higher esteem than those we regard as ignorant. Perhaps your preconceived ideas influence how you view the wealthy, the unattractive, the powerful, the aged or the disabled.
I told this friend I didn't think we would ever live in a world that is color-blind or without hatred. Personally I strive for that in my own life. God doesn't look on the outside but looks on the heart. As I endeavor to be an imitator of Christ I must learn to do that as much as humanly possible. It seems to me the root of predudice is arrogance more than ignorance. Why is it we feel the need to be "better than" on some level?
Didin't Jesus take last place in everything? He knew preudice intimately. He wore the title of bastard and was hated from day one. Scripture doesn't say much about this man we call Messiah as a little guy but that was a horrible label for a small boy to wear! We also know from the word he understood well the pain of being on the recieving end of predudice. We are told he was aquainted with grief, he was an ugly man, he was a man of sorrows, he was despised and rejected.
Jeremiah 17:1 reminds us that "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I have my own heart issues to deal with. I have my own desperately wicked heart to contend with and at times that fact makes it hard to see past the end of my own proboscis.
My friend and I discussed among other things whether public school policies help educate children in the area of relating to others in overcoming prejudices born of ignorance. Personally, I feel parents are mandated by God to be the instructors of their own children in the area of manners and morals and not the public (or private for that matter) schools. I believe, because so many parents fail to do that well, including yours truly at times, our lack of responsibility in the area of instructing our children has been thrust upon the schools.
To make a long story longer...what I wanted to say to my friend was I am trying as best I can to teach my own children to be thoughtful , kind, caring children (and adults) who will love others even when they don't understand them. Some days I can't seem to accomplish this on the small scale in my own home.
What I wanted to say was in some small way I want to make a big impact on my corner of the world by my actions. Though most days, my corner of the world is a house full of noisy kids and a sink full of dirty dishes.
What I wanted to say was I want more than anything to love the LORD my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength, and with all my mind. I want to love my neighbor as myself and teach my children to do the same. Some days I feel like my heart and soul are divided, I am at the end of my strength and along the way I lost my mind!
What I wanted to say is what we need is not a program but as a lifestyle of Christlike compassion that can erase the lines of prejudice we have drawn on our world.
What I ended up saying was more like "Blah blah blha blah bla, bla blah, blah." Ugh!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

What to Title This Post?

I wasn't quite sure what to title this post. I am the queen of random thoughts but lately my thoughts have been beyond random, they have been all over the globe.
My dear friend had a biopsy today. She actually had two biopsies and her sweet sister was on the other side of town having a biopsy at the same time!
This blog is one of the places I "talk." Don't get me wrong, I talk, sometimes I talk too much, but I'm not always on top of my feelings. Often times what I talk about may have nothing at all to do with what I'm feeling. I think it's a family trait, my dad does the same thing but unlike my dad, I'm not political.
I regularly get accused of being too guarded. I don't see myself as guarded. The truth is like many of you, I have few people in my inner circle. Those few people see my true heart.
This friend is one of those in my inner circle. To say we are an odd set of friends would be one of those understatements you hear so much about! We have nothing in common and everything in common.
We are polar opposites in many ways and yet so alike it is scarey. We are so connected to each other I would do anything for her. She is like my mom and I am her "Theresita."
We hit it off immediately and have been friends ever since. We have gone through some difficult things together and some heartbreaking things. We have also had many times together when we have laughed so hard we have cried. We have those little inside jokes girlfriends do and we encourage and uplift each other when life seems to kick like a mule.
Mostly when we're together we talk...and talk...and talk. Sometimes we talk about absolutely nothing; more often than not we talk about our mutual love for the Lord. It is that love for God that is the super glue that holds us together. It is that love that bridges the differences that could so easily divide us.
I won't lie. The whole idea of cancer scares me. It is not something you want to see anyone walk through and definitely not either of these sisters that I love so dearly. The thought that there could be anything on a mammogram to concern the doctor enough to order a biopsy is enough to frighten me.
I am in that place of surrender knowing that God alone knows the future and holds both these dear friends in His hands. I will not cease to ask, to seek, and to knock, believing what Jeremiah 29:11 says for them both!
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I made flour tortillas for the first time yesterday morning. No matter how hard I tried they just wouldn't turn out very flat or very round! One strangely resembled the state of Texas. Hmmm do you think I could sell it on eBay? Just a thought.
They tasted pretty good, though next time I think I'll add a bit more more salt. The overall effect was great as Eight of Eight announced to me, "I feel so Bible~ish" Kids say the darnedest things. Glad I'm here to hear them!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Marshmallow Man

I love the innocence of children. I love the way they often misuse words and end up saying the most hilarious things. One of my kids, who shall remain nameless ( In order to protect the guilty) had an awesome talent for this.
I grew up in a simpler time, perhaps a safer time. Though life wasn't without its perils it was common practice for my brothers and I to play outside for hours, especially in the summertime. We knew to be home by dark but aside from that the rules were few.
Parents in the neighborhood knew each other and watched out over each other's kiddos. When I was ten we moved to Riverside and that sense of community, for me anyway, faded.
Moving was a huge adjustment for me. I felt out of place and awkward. There is one memory in the midst of those growing pains that still makes me smile. That memory is of the Marshmallow Man.
"The Marshmallow Man?" you may ask. Each evening this elderly gentleman went for a walk leaving his wife (Mrs. Marshmallow?) at home.
I don't remember this dear man ever saying a word. In my memory he was a shy, quiet man. with very long legs. He was the Pied Piper of Dundee Road. Maybe he enjoyed the endless chatter of children or perhaps he just couldn't walk fast enough to get away from us! Either way all the kids in the neighborhood knew if we walked along with the Marshmallow Man we would be rewarded with...who told you? Marshmallows!
Being kids sometimes we would conveniently catch up just at the tail end of his walk. But you know what, we received the fluffy white confection just the same! I didn't even like marshmallows. It wasn't the marshmallow that made the walk worth the effort. It was the fact that somehow this quiet man communicated love and acceptance.
It really takes so little to build up a child and make them feel loved. I wonder at times why I withhold affection and praise from others? Even my own children at times are subjected to this selfishness. It is very sad that I can so easily sin in this way. The way James 4:17 warns us about. Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do [it], to him it is sin.
Funny in many ways the Marshmallow Man reminds me of Jesus. No matter where we join Him on the walk, He is just happy to have us along. The prize is waiting at the end and it is so much more wonderful than a marshmallow!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Quiet Place

Do you have a quiet place?
It seems to me that it is very difficult to find a place that is quiet. Life has so many voices. There are people voices, appliance voices, animal voices, media voices, and street voices all calling to me and intruding on the voices that are already screaming in my head.
I try to find quiet pieces of time here and there when I can quiet my heart and mind before God. Sometimes that is not enough, especially when those voices of life become like a steamroller headed straight for me! 

At times it seems the only way I can truly find a quiet place is to get away for a little while. (To move out of the way of the steam roller if you will.) The other night I did just that. I drove out to the edge of town and watched as the sun set in a pool of pink and red and orange. I watched as row after row of grapevines became gnarly, tangled, silhouettes against these desert colored sky. In the distance a line of black, tall, palm trees looked like a picture post card from some tropical paradise.
I watched and waited as the stars began to peek out of the growing blackness. The smell of dust, drying grasses, and hay bales filled my nostrils.
The mosquitoes buzzed my ears and face, occasionally tasting my sweaty skin as I leaned against my hot car. Even though the sun had long since set I could still feel the waves of heat coming up off the ground.
From my vantage point could see the oncoming headlights of the traffic on the Ridge Route like a string of diamonds twinkling on a piece of black velvet. I listened as an occasional owl screeched through the black night and occasionally farm dogs barked from the distance.
As I walked back and forth stirring up the chalk like dust and covering my feet in the gray powder, I prayed and cried out to God. What I had been looking for and what I found was stillness. I had found that much needed 'quiet place' where the voice of God could be heard above and not drowned out by every other thing that demanded my attention.
For a moment as I looked up into the night sky time seemed to stand still. For a moment I was able to be still and know the He is God.
"Duties do not clash any more than do the stars...if we are inwardly quiet we shall see the purposed sequence and take them one by one. An angel is never sent on more than more than one errand at a time." Amy Carmichael


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Angel Visits

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Is it possible for a believer to get to the point that they are without hope? I believe so. I am convinced that any time we allow our focus to stray to the left or the right there are any number of things that can happen to our thought process.
There are circumstances in life sometimes that bump us so hard we can become disoriented. God is compassionate with His children and has encouraged me many times. Occasionally in scripture the words strengthened and encouraged are used interchangeably. With good reason, when we are encouraged we are renewed in our spirit and that encourages us!
The day before Easter I was so discouraged I had lost hope. I don't usually get to that point but on this day I was in a very dark place indeed.
I remember crying out to God. Telling Him "I NEED a Resurrection miracle." "I NEED the shadow of the cross to fall on me and renew my strength!" I went to bed that night broken and spent from crying.
The next morning as I was getting ready for church my husband walked up behind me and with a odd tone in his voice said to me. " I heard somebody breathing on your side of the bed; and it wasn't you." The minute those words registered in my sleep deprived mind I knew...I knew in my heart that God had answered my prayer. "It was my angel." I said, as if angel visits were commonplace and he shouldn't have be surprised by it!
Angel visits are not commonplace. Though I believe we are surrounded by heavenly hosts all the time I do believe it is an unusual occurrence to see or hear one.
Now some of you may have issues with what I am sharing here and that's okay, but if anything I share here is a blessing to anyone then my ramblings of this sleep deprived woman are of great value indeed! I am convinced that God wants to comfort us and encourage us, that is why He sent the Comforter to us. The Spirit is here to comfort and encourage us, He enables us to do God's will and God's work.
We are to likewise encourage and comfort each other. AMEN.

God wants to move mightily in my life and yours too, and will if we let Him. I personally DO NOT want to settle for a mediocre Christian life. I want fire in my veins! All the pain and frustration of these past few months has made me hungry for a life of PASSIONATE FAITH!!!
Aren't you ready to break out of the box? Aren't you ready to see what God will do if you let go? I AM!

Faith Lessons

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
How often I have thought on this verse from Hebrews over the past few weeks. What I believe God has been speaking to me and what is evident in my circumstances are contrary. I have chosen to act on faith believing that what God says is true and will come to pass.
How freeing it is to walk with that assurance that God is the God of the unseen, as well as the seen. He spoke the world into creation and we can trust in His word!
Each night I go out and sit beneath the stars. It is an exercise in faith that reminds me that God is a God of detail and that He hung each star in it's designated place with the eye of an artist and the precision of a mathematician. He has not only created them but named each and every one of them.
This is the God of detail that is always watching over me and is intimately involved in my life.
He has taken great care these past few months to teach me how to trust Him. He has used the most unusual circumstances and unexpected people to do so. He has gone to great lengths to guide my heart into a place where I can say with confidence I trust God with the details of my life.
I have had more peace than I ever thought possible during very difficult times. Not because of anything I have done but because God has proved Himself faithful over, and over, and over again.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Yikes what a day! Even though it is now tomorrow! :) I started putting all my thoughts on paper early this morning. Thoughts of hope and renewal. And though I am still hopeful and renewed (although desperately tired). It seems my determination to walk by faith and not by sight was to be tested today.
Almost as soon as I put these thoughts in writing I got a phone call from my husband saying he was having hard chest pains. He had pains last week but they seemed to have eased up. Also they seem to be related to the starting of a new medication. After five hours in the emergency room, heart trouble was ruled out. 

Later that evening as Seven of Eight tried to make a bed in the living room for a sleepover she accidentally broke one of the light diffusers on the ceiling fan. The thick glass broke into two large pieces one gave her a nasty cut on the arm that we needed to butterfly. The other I think conked her on the head because he seemed a bit shocky. Though she didn't remember being hit on the head a few minutes later she passed out hitting her face and head on the way down!
I was beginning to think I was going to spend a few more hours in the ER but she is fine.

I have been informed ( by someone who shall remain nameless...Seven)) that fainting in real life is NOTHING like in the movies! Having had a similar experience once myself I would have to agree!

 Since my children are all bi-lingual and speak fluent sarcasm the jokes have begun.  The best one so far is from Five of Eight who finds the whole thing hilarious (now that he knows his sister is okay.)

" I was a little diffused and then everything went black!"

Good night all!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Beauty for Ashes

"Sometimes my ground was stony And sometimes covered up with thorn. And only You could make it what it had to be."
Rich Mullins was one of my favorite artists. He expressed so well the struggle of being a spirit creature in a flesh and blood world. It is the beauty I see around me in this temporal world that reminds me of the diverse and detailed God we serve. He makes everything beautiful in it's time as scripture says.
I took this picture a few months just ago outside of Cambria and the starkness of the gnarled piece of wood draped in a delicate blanket of flowers reminded me of God's principle of beauty for ashes.
As the Lord continues to teach me about seasons I can see the beauty even during this painful season. Each new day the Lord walks me through brings me closer to a another season. I am ready! Here Yeshua Adonai are the ashes, make me something beautiful.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Good Catch

I had an epiphany while taking a load of discarded clothing and household items to Goodwill this morning. For those of you who know me well you may think taking things to Goodwill was an epiphany! And you may be right.
Actually my light bulb moment was this. It seemed to me that God's mercy is like the netting under the trapeze artists at the circus.
When we miss the mark (sin) it is like missing the hands that are waiting and reaching out to catch us. Instead of the natural law of gravity spatting us onto the dirt floor below. The law of mercy is firmly in place to catch us! God is good.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Watercourse of Life

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, [Like] the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.
What a comforting thought. God truly is a sovereign God. I have taken great comfort in the trials and triumphs of Joseph. Joseph's troubles, as they are often called are beautiful examples of God directing one man's life through watercourse events in order to save a nation.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Be Strong and Courageous

It has been such a long time since I have written on this blog or anywhere else for that matter. There are times in life when emotions weigh so heavily on the heart there seem to be no words to express them.
Many of the events of these last few months fall into this category. I have learned some amazing lessons about God. Just like Joshua, God has told me over and over to be "strong and courageous.'" Well that's great for Joshua but I've never seen myself as either strong or courageous.
As I knelt beside my unconscious husband the other night trying with all that was in me to somehow will him not to slip into that place of no return I tapped into the only source of true strength. With each shallow breath he took I wondered if there would be another one to follow. My thoughts turned to my children and wondered if they might soon be without a father. I prayed that somehow my husband would hear my voice in that far off part of his mind and find his way back to us. All the while a fear was growing inside of me. I knew my voice alone would not be enough to call him back. I prayed without words, crying, begging God to meet him right where he was and mercifully spare his life as I waited for the paramedics to arrive. In the midst of the chaos of the night peace flooded my troubled mind. I knew whatever the outcome God was in absolute control!
One of the hardest truths for a true believer to get their little human minds around is the truth of God's sovereignty. The lesson of God's sovereignty has been one He has been patiently, faithfully, teaching me through all of this. 
We all know Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose.' How difficult that is to believe at times! The poignant question Job asks "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" is one each of has to ask at some point in our Christian life and how we answer it will determine the vitality of our walk of faith!
I am learning this bittersweet lesson and the answer to Job's question is YES! We can learn to accept and even embrace adversity as part of God's plan for our life. Adversity is the road that has lead me to the center of God's heart!
I have seen more events that can only be classified as miracles over these painful few years than ever before in my life! God has not taken away the painful circumstances but has strengthened and encouraged me in the midst of them. It has been amazing.
It is easy to think at times that there are events in our lives that may have escaped God's notice. But our God never sleeps or slumbers. His eye is ALWAYS on us! Oh, He is a loving God dear one. I have never been more convinced of this than I am right now. Without a doubt that we are called according to a purpose. The key is realizing it is His purpose not our own.
The things I am walking through are certainly not things I would have chosen for myself, believe me, but they are part of a plan. A plan for good not for evil. God who is able to see the beginning from the end has a plan for my life and yours. EVERYTHING that happens to us is part of a watercourse God has formed for your life and mine. He forms our hearts individually.
Remember God did not say that no weapon would be formed and used against us but that no weapon formed agains us would prosper! ! Battle on! We can trust in the plan. Like Joseph we will be able to operate under the banner of God's love knowing that "it was not you who sent me here, but God."

Friday, January 23, 2009

Life Lessons

As I mentioned in the past post, life around here has been well...difficult. I have also posted a bit about God allowing us, at times to be crushed to produce a fragrance that is pleasing to Him.
Absolutely nothing has changed in my circumstances since I posted last, and yet everything has changed because God has been changing me within these painful circumstances. I am beginning to see the outcome from the process -the aroma from the crushing. I can see new growth as the Lord draws qualities out of me that I never knew were inside of me in the first place! There is a new strength and peace unlike I have ever known in the past!
The Lord has been speaking to me for months now, giving me deep insights that apply to my personal walk with Him. He has been using rhemas to navigate me through these 'situations' that have had the potential to tear my family apart and destroy me in the process. Because of His faithfulness to walk me through this confusing maze instead of just removing these crisis situations as they have arisen I have been able overcome a lot of the fearfulness and self-doubt that normally would have engulfed me.
I have been drawing on scripture and beginning to understand the power of God's word like NEVER before! Verses like Ephesians 3:20 have proved so powerful in keeping on top of the thought bombs the enemy has tried to drop on me.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
The ongoing theme through all of this has been "seasons" and Galations 6:6-10 was a rhema to me just the other day as I prayed on these things and asked God for affirmation for the more difficult things He has been speaking to my heart.
Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.
As I continue through this season I am looking forward to all God is going to do as he molds me into the woman of God I know he desires me to be!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Ever been in one of those places in life where NOTHING makes any sense? I'm in one of those places, have been for weeks, like an emotional amusement park ride where centrifugal force presses you you hard against the wall and then the floor slowly drops away beneath you feet? Yeah, as a kid I loved that ride! In real life it's not much fun!
Spiritually the foundation I have built my life on has remained unmoved. And yet moment by moment these days I have to choose to obey. This is a season of faith for me. If I let my emotions have their head, they will destroy me. I am unsure at times if I can take the next step of faith the Lord sets before me other times it is a little easier.
I know so little right now. God keeps giving me small encouragements and I am tucking them away until their season comes to pass; that season seems so far away! For now I have this season to walk through. This season is a season of faith and faith alone.
I have never felt more humanly alone in my life. Everything has changed for me.
I often wonder how people navigate through life without the anchor of a relationship with the living God! I am thankful for the Holy Spirit that has been my constant companion and friend. I am thankful for the urging of His presence causing me to press on to higher things and into the character of Christ!