Saturday, December 5, 2015

Following your dreams may sound easy but sometimes serious time in prayer is needed to uncover burried dreams, dreams that have been put on the back burner so long they seem to have burned up entirely.
Sometimes we need God to breath new passions and dreams into us BUT at that point on you follow! If following means crawling, or taking baby steps on wobbly leags that's what you do because EVERYTHING breathed in prayer has life and purpose. Your life is a story of encouragement someone else needs to read. 

Sunday, August 30, 2015


 Barbara Streisand's song Memories keeps playing through my mind tonight. I know it's a song about lovers but love is undefinable, it can't be confined in boxes made by human understanding.
 My mind keeps lighting on childhood memories of my brother and my son tonight. It's funny how alike they were in so many ways. They were the "dark ones" a  term they use in the movie Roan Inissh. Misfits with golden hearts. Enigmas.        
       Memories like the corners of my mind, misty water-colored memories. 
Water colors, transparent and not easily contained or controlled, they float across the page in a surreal way. Earthy colors, running across the rough paper as though they'd been cried over and the salty tear drops fell and joined with the paints. 

         Memories like the corners of my mind, misty water-colored memories.
Memories just out of reach but persistently unrelenting. Tears come unbidden, memories of the past intrude on the present. Memories of days gone by, remembrances of a times, places, tastes, touches, sounds and smells from yesterday forever etched on weary minds. 

                           Memories of the way we were
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another.

How haunting the old photographs. They take your breath away. Those one dimensional memories of a three dimensional life.

       Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line? 
Memories, may be beautiful and yet what's too painful to remember we simply choose to forget. So it's the laughter we will remember,whenever we remember...
Was it that simple? Was it really the panacea I thought? I hope time brings healing. Right now memories are painful. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Yeah it's Like That....

Yeah, it's like that.
One day life makes some sense then you blink and it sends your whole world adrift. Sometimes even being obedient can subject us to gut wrenching pain. I see now why God is called the "Anchor to Our Soul" because without the the gravitational pull of His love and mercy on my soul I would be lost right now. 

But I'm not lost~I just have no idea where I'm headed :) Wouldn't it be wonderful if God was like MapQuest? I could type my coordinates (or questions) into 'GodQuest' and a little map with step by step directions would pop up on the screen? "Ahha" I would say,"Now this all makes sense!" 


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Club

 I have heard the term "club" used this past year by other parents that have lost children. I suppose in some ways it is- but not a club you join.  If membership were optional, it wouldn't be desired. You wouldn't invite your staunchest enemies to join much less someone you love. This club seeks you out and you have no choice but accept the lifetime membership. Your dues have been paid, there is no escape clause, no loopholes, no expiration date.
 My best comfort has been from eye contact with other members of the "club". They can see into my very soul. Their  hug, like a secret handshake in a fraternity that conveys and understanding  no words can express. Their hand on my shoulder radiates healing into  places deep. 
For all my fellow club members thank you for sharing what I couldn't carry alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight. 
                               Thank you EVERYONE that has come along side of my family.  

                                      Grief shared is lessened and joy shared is multiplied. 
                                                                  Robert David Rodeen
                                 April 25, 1984 *and all the memories in between* June 11,2014
                                                         Thanks for the Memories

aka Thankfulheart