Friday, May 27, 2016

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Life is not about comparison shopping. When we compare ourselves to others or even past versions of ourselves we often feel devalued. Scripture is clear-God fashions each heart individually. Don't expect to be like any one else. God is fashioning you according to His plans-not yours. 
Psalm 33:15

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

New Wine

God has been doing some awesome and amazing things. He has been teaching me things about myself and the direction my life ìs going. Scripture has been like a focused breath on the embers of my waning heart-
stirring passion for the things of God and the things of life. 

I know this new passion will stir up new resistance but I'm tired of being in the "safe" places. I've been living there too long. Doing what?  Hiding from pain? None of us is exempt from pain...It is a part of living and needs to be embraced. Safety has been a self imposed prison causing me to live a life of mediocrity.

I've let Enemy in. He has tied me up, ravaged my household, and has stolen precious things from me. I have allowed this for scripture tells me have all the weapons I need to bring down strongholds. I have just been battle weary and not used them.

I'm ready now to be made new. New wine skins for new wine; new passion, new fire, new life! I want  to hold ALL Yeshua wants to pour into me...not so I can grow full and fat but so I can again be poured out.


Thursday, February 18, 2016

Counterfeits and Coincidences

I never cease to be amazed at God's impeccable timing and attention to detail. How often we attribute His forethought and planninng to coincidence, happenstance or even an accident. Psalm 139 says
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
   How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Echos of Songs

 For a short time a breeze flowed into my life bringing with it a gentle song in its wings. I felt like a feather floating upon that breeze, until the wind shifted, as the wind will often do. As I sit here tonight there is an echo of that song "Bendiciones" playing in quietness of my mind.

Everyone  coming into our lives by way of the heart takes a part of us with them when they leave but  there is comfort in the memory they have left a part of themselves with us.


Saturday, December 5, 2015

Following your dreams may sound easy but sometimes serious time in prayer is needed to uncover burried dreams, dreams that have been put on the back burner so long they seem to have burned up entirely.
Sometimes we need God to breath new passions and dreams into us BUT at that point on you follow! If following means crawling, or taking baby steps on wobbly leags that's what you do because EVERYTHING breathed in prayer has life and purpose. Your life is a story of encouragement someone else needs to read. 

Sunday, August 30, 2015


 Barbara Streisand's song Memories keeps playing through my mind tonight. I know it's a song about lovers but love is undefinable, it can't be confined in boxes made by human understanding.
 My mind keeps lighting on childhood memories of my brother and my son tonight. It's funny how alike they were in so many ways. They were the "dark ones" a  term they use in the movie Roan Inissh. Misfits with golden hearts. Enigmas.        
       Memories like the corners of my mind, misty water-colored memories. 
Water colors, transparent and not easily contained or controlled, they float across the page in a surreal way. Earthy colors, running across the rough paper as though they'd been cried over and the salty tear drops fell and joined with the paints. 

         Memories like the corners of my mind, misty water-colored memories.
Memories just out of reach but persistently unrelenting. Tears come unbidden, memories of the past intrude on the present. Memories of days gone by, remembrances of a times, places, tastes, touches, sounds and smells from yesterday forever etched on weary minds. 

                           Memories of the way we were
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another.

How haunting the old photographs. They take your breath away. Those one dimensional memories of a three dimensional life.

       Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line? 
Memories, may be beautiful and yet what's too painful to remember we simply choose to forget. So it's the laughter we will remember,whenever we remember...
Was it that simple? Was it really the panacea I thought? I hope time brings healing. Right now memories are painful. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Yeah it's Like That....

Yeah, it's like that.
One day life makes some sense then you blink and it sends your whole world adrift. Sometimes even being obedient can subject us to gut wrenching pain. I see now why God is called the "Anchor to Our Soul" because without the the gravitational pull of His love and mercy on my soul I would be lost right now. 

But I'm not lost~I just have no idea where I'm headed :) Wouldn't it be wonderful if God was like MapQuest? I could type my coordinates (or questions) into 'GodQuest' and a little map with step by step directions would pop up on the screen? "Ahha" I would say,"Now this all makes sense!" 


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Club

 I have heard the term "club" used this past year by other parents that have lost children. I suppose in some ways it is- but not a club you join.  If membership were optional, it wouldn't be desired. You wouldn't invite your staunchest enemies to join much less someone you love. This club seeks you out and you have no choice but accept the lifetime membership. Your dues have been paid, there is no escape clause, no loopholes, no expiration date.
 My best comfort has been from eye contact with other members of the "club". They can see into my very soul. Their  hug, like a secret handshake in a fraternity that conveys and understanding  no words can express. Their hand on my shoulder radiates healing into  places deep. 
For all my fellow club members thank you for sharing what I couldn't carry alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight. 
                               Thank you EVERYONE that has come along side of my family.  

                                      Grief shared is lessened and joy shared is multiplied. 
                                                                  Robert David Rodeen
                                 April 25, 1984 *and all the memories in between* June 11,2014
                                                         Thanks for the Memories

aka Thankfulheart

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


 I haven't blogged much lately-without excuse- except to say I have been exhausted body, soul and spirit 
I have been thinking about the acronym A.S.K., Ask, Seek, Knock. 
What is forming a groove in my brain is the complexity of these three "simple" words. 
Honestly, I don't know what to ask most of the time. My human understanding, my natural bent towards selfishness and my limited ability to stay focused...SQUIRREL!....interfere with the type of "asking" I know Jesus is talking about. 
In a renewed and profound way I am beginning to understand that asking is the key. So my prayer these last few days has been "Rip the veil off Lord!"  "Show me what to ask, show me how to ask, and when to ask because if' as you said, "I have not because I ask not." then I want, I need, to understand  more fully this mystery of petition. "
All I know right now is asking is a key component to a viable prayer life -a viable life in general-that  stays connected to its source of power and moves with purpose. Knowing how to ask means living a life of  expectancy- waiting anxiously to hear God's next whisper. 
Knowing when to ask means I can have peace especially during those seasons when life is exceedingly painful. I can have the confidence that there is a plan for my life and the specific unfolding of that plan is perfectly timed. Like they say in show business," Timing is everything." 

Friday, December 13, 2013

Life Through a Rear View Mirror

I never thought I would be a single mom. I wanted Little House on the Prairie. You know, Ma and Pa working through the hardships of life with their children close at hand and everything always made sense by the end of the show.
 I couldn't tell you when the channel of my life changed, only that it changed. And you know what? I am okay with that. I really am. I couldn't have said that a year ago but all the bitterness and anger has been washed away and I am content. I have heard it said that hindsight is 20/20. But I say hindsight is like looking into the rear view mirror. The perspective is different but you still still don't see the whole picture.