I haven't posted in a while because life has been, as i stated in my last post, a luge race. Every time I think I am on the last turn I seem to be instead wedged up against the wall of the course.
There are just times in our lives when we need to be broken, times when we must be willing to be broken, this has been one of those times for me. I didn't want to be the broken lamb that needed to be carried on the shoulders of the Savior but that is exactly where I found myself, riding on the neck of my LORD. I thought I was stronger, able to ramble after my Lord but that was not the case. God has broken down every wall I had been hiding behind. He exposed a gentle and vulnerable heart I didn't know existed. He stripped away years of hurt and abandonment and gave me a heart that could trust again. Then he tested that new heart.
Those of you that cook you know the crushing of certain spices brings out their fragrance. When you take an aromatic spice such as rosemary or oregano between your fingers then crush and roll them their pungent, musky smell wafts through the air. Cinnamon and cloves are spicy and sweet. At times in our walk with the Lord we need to know what is really in our hearts. These testings crush us and reveal the true fragrance of our character. It is an aroma pleasing to the Lord.
God is far more interested in my character, God is far more interested in the divine calling He has placed on my life than he is in my feelings. I know this opposes the bent of humanism that has infiltrated the church. This common misconception that God wants us to be happy. Happiness is a fleeting and abstract feeling, illusive to capture and keep.
God loves us and does not get pleasure from our pain. He does not toy with the affections of His children. He is a kind and loving Father and as such He wants us to be men and women of character and discipline. Lets face it developing discipline and character is very rarely fun but there is a joy and contentedness that comes from obedience. Does God want us happy? God offers us peace and contentment in our obedience not the happiness of the world that leaves us empty in the end. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
I am learning to run to God and my desire through all of this is that God will glorified and I will be able to walk as a woman of integrity, Seeking Diligence in all my ways!