There have been a lot of changes in my life lately. These are not changes that were planned for by any means and most definitely not changes were looked forward too. But often times changes are cast upon us and it seems we have no choice at all. Thankfully we are not just blown about by the winds of life. There is a divine plan for my life and yours. We may not be able to control life but we do have control over is our response to these bumps and bruises that happen along the way as we try navigate through life.
Recently I had the "opportunity" :) to spend the morning at the Department of Human Services. For me this was a devastating and humiliating experience, a stark reminder to me that my life was not in a place I wanted it to be. It was a reminder that someone in my life had made poor choices and now my security and the security of my children in jeopardy. My faith was being tested.
I had a good cry (Okay more than one cry.) about these turn of events. I mean I had the Waa waa's so bad you would have thought I was dying. In a way I suppose was. My stupid (Yes kids, I said stupid!) pride was again on the alter and it hurt.
After all "I" was at the welfare office...PLEASE! Me?The welfare office was not for people like me.
I had a hundred and one reasons why I shouldn't be there. I looked around through guarded eyes. There were homeless people there and people that smelled funny and people that acted funny. There were people with prison tatts all over their bodies including their eyelids,there were wild children with disconnected parents, jaded employees, and...and...and...."Oh Toto, we're not in Kansas any more! " "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it."
The only ones that seemed to be enjoying this little adventure were my two precious grand babies. They were oblivious to my pain and embarrassment. They liked the man that smelled funny. They traded smiles with him. They didn't care if he lived in Beverly Hills or a cardboard box. They didn't seem to notice the man with tattoos on his eyelids and the wild children were an endless source of amusement to them.
So what was my problem? You see it really was my problem. My pride had drawn some insidious internal dividing line, like the lines you see on maps that aren't really there.
Perhaps some of "them" had made some bad choices that ended them in this waiting area for desperate people. Maybe "they" had lost a loved one or a job. Aren't most of us a paycheck or two away from losing everything? Perhaps they had worked hard all of their lives but had a son or daughter that good hooked on drugs and now they had the to assume the responsibility of raising grand children or great grandchildren.
I suppose if I could have thrown off my self pity for two minutes together I could have connected with some of them. If my better than attitude would have been left outside I could have seen with Christ's eyes for just a moment.
"...whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child..."
Oh how grown up my heart had gotten! From my place on the map it was okay to cross the line to help others or befriend the down and out as long as I was able to cross back over into my safe place. You see I had security. I had a warm home, a dependable car and a steady paycheck.
It feels good to help others BUT is it truly loving them? Poverty can be a great equalizer. Strip away the pretense and you'll find people are all pretty much the same.
Humanity-that is what the God Man was so irresistibly drawn to. He loved broken people. How often had I read "and He had compassion..." Where was my compassion that day? Why did it have to take having everything stripped away for me to see the truth that was in my own heart?
I wasn't seeing others with the precious eyes of Yeshua! I was the rich young ruler who couldn't truly follow Yeshua because he couldn't walk away from his earthly good! I was the brother to the prodigal that couldn't overlook the stench of pigs.
Oh, Heavenly Father forgive me for closing my heart to the many opportunities you provide for me everyday to love the way you do. Thank you for your precious
Holy Spirit that desires truth in our inward parts. Open my heart...I want to be a baby :)