It has been such a long time since I have written on this blog or anywhere else for that matter. There are times in life when emotions weigh so heavily on the heart there seem to be no words to express them.
Many of the events of these last few months fall into this category. I have learned some amazing lessons about God. Just like Joshua, God has told me over and over to be "strong and courageous.'" Well that's great for Joshua but I've never seen myself as either strong or courageous.
As I knelt beside my unconscious husband the other night trying with all that was in me to somehow will him not to slip into that place of no return I tapped into the only source of true strength. With each shallow breath he took I wondered if there would be another one to follow. My thoughts turned to my children and wondered if they might soon be without a father. I prayed that somehow my husband would hear my voice in that far off part of his mind and find his way back to us. All the while a fear was growing inside of me. I knew my voice alone would not be enough to call him back. I prayed without words, crying, begging God to meet him right where he was and mercifully spare his life as I waited for the paramedics to arrive. In the midst of the chaos of the night peace flooded my troubled mind. I knew whatever the outcome God was in absolute control!
One of the hardest truths for a true believer to get their little human minds around is the truth of God's sovereignty. The lesson of God's sovereignty has been one He has been patiently, faithfully, teaching me through all of this.
We all know Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose.' How difficult that is to believe at times! The poignant question Job asks "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" is one each of has to ask at some point in our Christian life and how we answer it will determine the vitality of our walk of faith!
I am learning this bittersweet lesson and the answer to Job's question is YES! We can learn to accept and even embrace adversity as part of God's plan for our life. Adversity is the road that has lead me to the center of God's heart!
I have seen more events that can only be classified as miracles over these painful few years than ever before in my life! God has not taken away the painful circumstances but has strengthened and encouraged me in the midst of them. It has been amazing.
It is easy to think at times that there are events in our lives that may have escaped God's notice. But our God never sleeps or slumbers. His eye is ALWAYS on us! Oh, He is a loving God dear one. I have never been more convinced of this than I am right now. Without a doubt that we are called according to a purpose. The key is realizing it is His purpose not our own.
The things I am walking through are certainly not things I would have chosen for myself, believe me, but they are part of a plan. A plan for good not for evil. God who is able to see the beginning from the end has a plan for my life and yours. EVERYTHING that happens to us is part of a watercourse God has formed for your life and mine. He forms our hearts individually.
Remember God did not say that no weapon would be formed and used against us but that no weapon formed agains us would prosper! ! Battle on! We can trust in the plan. Like Joseph we will be able to operate under the banner of God's love knowing that "it was not you who sent me here, but God."
Blessings,
I had an epiphany while taking a load of discarded clothing and household items to Goodwill this morning. For those of you who know me well you may think taking things to Goodwill was an epiphany! And you may be right. 
